


His face is mine as well

by Vuotoinblu



Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Grief/Mourning, Hurt/Comfort, Team as Family, Twins, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-14
Updated: 2020-03-14
Packaged: 2021-02-28 21:01:57
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,918
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23143606
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Vuotoinblu/pseuds/Vuotoinblu
Summary: "She thought that obscuring the mirrors would have prevented her face, his face, to hunt her whenever she went. She was wrong. Whenever she entered a room everyone fell silent. Scanlan stopped laughing when she was around, Grog didn’t look at her in the eyes anymore, whenever she talked to Pike her voice was full of pity and nostalgia and every time Keyleth saw her the flash of agony in her eyes made Vex desire to hide just to stop causing her pain. The memory of Vax was too fresh and painful to ignore, and, as much as they tried to pretend it was ok, having his clone walking around the castle was hurting them, and Vex knew that."After his brother dies Vex can't stand the pain her sight causes to her friends, so she leaves.
Relationships: Percival "Percy" Fredrickstein Von Musel Klossowski de Rolo III/Vex'ahlia
Comments: 3
Kudos: 74





	His face is mine as well

They say that when you’re about to die your life flashes in front of you, that you get to see everyone you loved one last time before everything is over. In that very moment Vex hoped with all of her heart that it wasn’t true. After all everything started because she didn’t want to see him, she thought as cold water started filling her lungs.

When Vax disappeared she really thought she could manage to stay next to the others. She remembered how much Vax and her had supported each other when their mother died, how much his presence had helped her process all the pain she was feeling. Even when she just wanted to hide somewhere and cry he had been there for her, holding her through everything. 

So when he died, when she felt like she was falling apart, she went to Vox Machina hoping they would hold her together. They didn’t, at least not the way she needed them to, and how could she blame them when she had covered every single mirror in Whitestone castle not to see herself. 

When she did it she thought that obscuring the mirrors would have prevented her face, his face, to hunt her whenever she went. She was wrong. Whenever she entered a room everyone fell silent. Scanlan stopped laughing when she was around, Grog didn’t look at her in the eyes anymore, whenever she talked to Pike her voice was full of pity and nostalgia and every time Keyleth saw her the flash of agony in her eyes made Vex desire to hide just to stop causing her pain. The memory of Vax was too fresh and painful to ignore, and, as much as they tried to pretend it was ok, having his clone walking around the castle was hurting them, and Vex knew that.

She started spending whole days stuck in her bedroom with Trinket, avoiding contact with everyone except Percy . He was the only one that didn’t seem to see her brother when he looked at her, so Vex clang to him for dear life, crying in his chest at night when the hole in her chest threatened to devour her. But she was a hunter and staying trapped in a room was almost as suffocating as the grief that kept making harder getting up every day. She started eating less and spending time either sleeping or looking out of the window.

She could see the growing worry on Percy’s face the more emaciated she became, until one night he woke her up, convinced her to put her armour on and took her to the forest.  
“You can’t keep going on like this.” he told her gently.  
“You’re slipping away, becoming the ghost the others are so afraid of, and there’s nothing I can do about it. Maybe this can.” he continued pointing at the woods.  
“Maybe this can remind you who you are.”

So she left, the cold winter forest that she dreaded as a kid, when she couldn’t find anything to eat because of the snow, becoming a comfortable escape. Now that she was a dragon-killer tracking down something to eat wasn’t much of a problem, and Trinket kept her warm during the coldest nights. She spent almost two weeks like that, running and hunting, connecting with that primal instinct that helped her survive so many times. It felt better. Lonely but better. Until the wolves came.

She had never seen a pack that large. They seemed everywhere, surrounding her without letting her a chance to find an high and distant enough place for her bow to be userful. Vex wasn’t a front line fighter, she had never been, and when the first wolf attacked she was unprepared. The battle was long. Even without her safety distance she was the most agile and fastest member of Vox Machina and the first wolves died without even seeing the small dagger she had extracted from her boot. Trinket helped too, sinking his teeth sank into everything he could hit. But they were so many, and she and Trinket were alone. The first hit one of them landed knocked the air out of her and she slashed its throat right after. Not too long later another one managed to claw angrily at her leg. She stuck an arrow into its eye but the wound made her wobble as she slowly backed away without really knowing were she was going. 

A third hit followed. Then a fourth, and a fifth and then she stopped counting. She was breathing heavily, her ears ringing, blood staining her white armour while she kept sinking her dagger in every inch of tender meat she could find. Her sight was starting to get clouded and everything was confused… She almost though she heard something firing off in the distance a couple of times tough she couldn’t tell if she was just imagining it. 

In the end only one wolf was left standing. Trinket was ending one’s life a couple of meters away while the hungry yellow eyes of the last one were fixed on Vex, who was barely standing herself.   
“Walk away.” she told it. “You’re alone and doomed. Save yourself.” the only answer was a low guttural growl. Vex was aware of how bad the situation was. One hit would have been enough to take her down and the slippery ice floor she was standing on made her remotely aware that she was on the frozen pond in the northern side of the forest. She realized the one who needed to run was probably her.

But she was angry. She was so angry she wondered if that was what Grog felt all the time when he was fighting. She was angry she was alone, she was angry her reflection in the pond made her heart ache even in that moment, she was angry her brother wasn’t there, watching her back like he always did. “Did She send you?” she screamed to the growling wolf “Does the fucking Raven Bitch want even more from me now? Because she took my brother, made me push away my friends, made me suffer until I walked away from my lover and left me alone. If it’s my life she craves, she might as well try and take that too, but be aware I’ll fight for it.” Tears were starting to roll down her cheeks without her even noticing. Anger, loneliness, sadness and adrenaline were swirling in her. She got into a low position and let out an almost feral growl. “If you want me, come get me.”

The wolf leaped towards her while she jumped meeting it mid air. Its teeth sank into her shoulder painfully, but she didn’t scream. With her last energies she slashed the beast’s throat, its limp and heavy body slamming her down onto the pond. The ice shattered under their weight, the wolf on top of her dragging her quickly under the surface. She barely felt the freezing water fill her lungs while her consciousness started leaving her. Her last thoughts were for her friends. She hoped they never found her body. She hoped they would have just thought she ran away. They didn’t need to suffer even more because of her. Her vision went white and then faded as she felt something grabbing her and pulling her up towards the surface.

From that moment on everything was a blur.  
She vaguely remembered the sensation of air burning her lungs while she coughed water, the sensation of the damp clothes leaving her unprotected against the cold, the smell of wet bear filling her nostrils, the sound of someone running and a familiar voice. She tried opening her eyes but her eyelids were so heavy and everything was so loud and painful.  
“Vex! Vex wake up!” the voice said. Their touch was almost burning on her freezing cold skin, but for some reason she found it reassuring. The weird indescrivibile taste of a healing potion down her throat was the last thing she felt before losing consciousness.  
-  
She woke up in a soft bed, a huge pile of heavy blankets covering her still slightly shivering body and a pounding headache making thinking hard. She sat up in bed, watching confused her freshly bandaged wound.   
“You’re awake finally.” the voice made her look up at the room she was in and what she saw made her heart warm up. The chamber was cozy, a fireplace warming and lighting it up, the sky outside was dark. At the foot of the bed the giant form of a sleeping Grog occupied half of the remaining space on the pavement, clutching the tiny forms of Pike and Scanlan in his arms, both asleep as well. Keyleth was right beside them, snoring softly against Trinket’s furr. 

“How’re you feeling?” said Percy standing up from a chair and leaving the book he was reading on it. He seemed to be the only one awake. His white hair were longer than she remembered, and where his chin was once clean-shaven there was now an almost full and unkept beard.  
“Cold.” she answered. “where are we? How long have I been unconscious?”  
“We are in Whitestone, you have been out only for a few hours.” He reassured her sitting on the bed and starting to rub her back soothingly with a big warm hand. She immediately relaxed and leaned against him, letting her head rest onto his shoulder. They sat there in a comfortable silence for a few moments, until he whispered softly:  
“You scared us there for a moment. We were lucky I could get you to Pike while you were still alive… I’m confident she would have brought you back anyway but she says is getting more and more difficult to bond your soul to your body… You’ve died too many times.” 

She smiled sadly “It takes more than a couple deaths to get rid of me.” another short silence followed, filled with painful memories of people they loved losing their life in battle to be brought back not as whole as they were before.  
“How did you find me?” she asked him.  
“We always knew where you were.” he admitted. “We took turns chasing you… We couldn’t just let you run alone in the woods without keeping an eye out. The cloak of elvenkind helped us being stealthy so you didn’t notice and...” he trailed off, looking at her waiting for a reaction.

She chew on her lower lips, contrasting emotions crashing in her head and when she looked up at him her eyes were glassy with tears. She wasn’t alone. She had never been. Even if seeing her hurt them they stayed with her. The hole in her chest seemed to shrink a little at the thought. In that very moment Keyleth stretched yawning loudly and turned towards them opening her eyes.  
“Vex! Thank the gods you are awake!” the half-elf screamed jumping onto the bed and throwing her arms around the other’s neck “Don’t you dare doing that again!” she kept screaming and almost crying holding her so tight it almost hurt. At that point the others were awake too, and the room grew louder with Grog’s laughters, Scanlan’s songs and Pike’s caring and worried voice.

Half an hour later Vex was asleep again, all of her ragtag family somehow pressed in the same bed with her and the tiniest hint of a smile on her lips. They would have survived that too. Together.

**Author's Note:**

> This is the first fic I write in English, so be kind and let me know what you think about it.


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